The Thai Wife
David Dakan Allison
In realized consciousness it is no longer about the sexual act per-say, it is about how you can assist your partner to experience the state of bliss.
If you are a Western man coming to Thailand to have sex with a bar girl or woman, be forewarned. The three rules for single farang men in Thailand are: 1. Never fall in love with a bar girl. 2. Never fall in love with a bar girl. 3. Never fall in love with a bar girl. The best advice is to proceed consciously, as if you had entered the Temple of the Goddess.
In Thailand most Thai women grow up and marry a Thai man, have children and life goes on; their genetic culture intact. Every once in a while a regular foreign man will marry a regular Thai woman and they have a wonderful marriage, but that is extremely rare, from what I’ve gathered. During the Vietnam War in the sixties and early seventies, Thailand was the R&R, rest and relaxation destination for the American soldier. Money was to be made with foreigners in a new way. The Thai women proved to be quite hospitable.
I want to address the Thai woman who for one reason or another focuses her attention on a Western man. And the Western man who comes to Thailand thinking that with a Thai woman all his former problems with women will disappear.
Every Thai women who has come from a lower class upbringing has heard the stories about a cousin or a friend who had met and married a rich Western man, and now have a big house and a new car; have been rescued from their fate. This becomes her fantasy; to somehow find and marry one. That woman will look at her struggling mother, dead-beat father, maybe arranged marriage dead-beat ex-husband, the crowded family home, and conclude that if she doesn’t do something different, that this will be her continuing lot in life.
Remembering the stories, she finally decides to seek her salvation; to go out in the world and find that rich farang; to create a better life. The easiest and most straightforward way to “present herself:” to position herself to the possibility of meeting the rescuing farang, is to become a massage therapist in a tourist town, or work in a bar where Western men frequent. Whatever it takes. It’ really doesn’t matter. The end justifies the means.
Before or after this attractive Thai gal decides to leave home, her parents will most likely encourage her to “work a trade,” one that earns enough money for her to send some home. Everyone knows the trade isn’t going to be a clerk in 7/11, or as a food server or in some factory. She doesn’t need to leave home for that. Even if she had a college degree, they know that finding a regular well-paying job in the big city will be difficult to impossible. They would consider that she become a massage therapist, which can pay twice the $10 a day minimum wage. The massage therapist will quickly find that she can make even more money with a “make-me-happy” massage. One thing leads to the other.
The American, European, Australian, Japanese, Korean and Chinese men, who seem to be everywhere, are the obvious source of the wealth she is seeking. But right away she’ll find out that the competition is intense.
If a sex worker was born and raised in the bigger city like Bangkok, Pattaya or Patong, she’ll have a distinct advantage over the “village girl,” especially if she speaks better English. So she has to learn quickly, pick up more English words and find her own unique way to manipulate the farang man out of his money. Her first next most important thing becomes survival in the city--she has to eat and pay rent, buy sexy clothes and shoes. It may take some time for her to find her place.
Until age twenty-five she will still be considered a girl, and after twenty-nine she is an older woman. The initial pressure is to find 'her rich farang" before she turns twenty-five.
I am referring to the ordinary young woman who has come from the village, or the city girl who sees no other direction to go in life. Maybe she had been married at age eighteen to a dead-beat husband, has one or two children, worked in the local 7-11 or a clothing factory. It’s quite possible she arrived at her new job in the pay-for-sex parlor without ever having had a good sexual encounter or loving relationship with a man. Suddenly she’s a sex professional. Fortunately all men, probably 90% of them who surrender to her “beauty,” don’t have a clue what good sex is. These men are charmed by the mystique of having sex with a “Thai woman.” She learns quickly, applies her humble Thai heritage, and appears to be the perfect “sexual servant,” for a cheap price.
Men are fools.
Fifteen years ago I took a seminar called “Men, Sex and Power.” For four very long days 200 men of all ages were holed-up in the Masonic Temple in Oakland, California. The seminar leader considered these men a slice of all the American men, when he boldly stated, “All you men, every one of you, is screwed up sexually.” He said that men aren’t taught how to correctly treat women; their father and their father’s father didn’t have a clue, and most likely avoided the sex conversation. “Find a woman. Marry her. Settle down.” No problem, “your mother never complained,” or so they think. The son will go out in the world and have all sorts of “learning experiences,” from which sexual conclusions are made. Are these conclusions valid? Probably not. But eventually, if he’s "lucky," he will “fall in love,” only to eventually discover that she is as screwed up as he is, and not the woman he thought he was "in love" with, that she was only pretending to be wonderful all the time. So they split up. This may happen many times before he gives up the chase, and decides to find “a good wife” and get married. Nothing is different with this good wife. Soon after the honeymoon is over, or maybe a year or two later, they tire of each other. Maybe they “stick it out because of the children” or they get a divorce and look for a replacement model. If the lesson isn’t learned he’ll replace the Ford with a Chevy. Same engine. Maybe he dreams of the Honda.
The seminar leader insisted that the reason the woman loses the spark, pulls away from her man, doesn’t want to have sex with him and so on, has everything to do with the fact that he doesn’t know how to please his woman. On the other hand, if he did know how to please her . . . if she was continually cherished and sexually satisfied, (more than once a month, more than once a week, more like spontaneously almost every day), she’ll love and honor her man and never leave him. She’d do whatever she can to make him happy.
Let’s just say that the man is now over fifty and has never figured out how to please a woman; he feels like (he is) a failure at relationships and marriage, and has developed a bad “attitude” about American women in general. He’s well beyond wanting to waste his time with romance, even if some woman shows interest. He’s sexually frustrated and his city in American only offers him one option: masterbation.
He has heard that he can go to Thailand and have sex with beautiful young women all day long; just go into any bar in Bangkok and pick one. Easy. No romancing her--take her to your hotel and have good sex for almost free. He heads off to Thailand.
I would correctly guess that the Vast Majority of the single men aged 50 to 70 who come to Thailand have no idea of how to sexually please a woman. They are like the man I’m writing about; ignorant of how and unable to sustain a love relationship, or if married he endured twenty-plus-years with a dried-up prune . . . their terrible sex life long ago abandoned. He blames her, and takes no credit for how poorly he treats women.
He desperately needs to relieve his sexual frustration.
He believes that once in Thailand he’ll finally find long-awaited relief, not with an age-appropriate American hag, but with a hot sexy young bar girl.
It’s true. He goes to a Bangkok bar and picks up a lovely young gal and takes her to his hotel. “What you want?” she sweetly asks. It’s almost unbelievable what’s happening, though he “knows” it’s not sustainable, but it is the fulfillment of his fantasy.
It’s true. He goes to a Bangkok bar and picks up a lovely young gal and takes her to his hotel. “What you want?” she sweetly asks. It’s almost unbelievable what’s happening, though he “knows” it’s not sustainable, but it is the fulfillment of his fantasy.
Maybe he had watched plenty of porn before coming. But once here, actually in bed with this hot young Thai babe, he'll realize that he isn’t that porn star, and she’s not that porn woman, in reality. The old farang man will wonder how that guy did it in that porno movie, but he can’t get to that position, can't keep up with her, can’t sustain the boner even with Viagra; it’s not working the way it did in the video--not at all. Straight missionary or better yet, lying on his back while she does all the work, is so much easier. If he has any ability to self-evaluate, he'll soon admit to himself that he’s not so good at sex.
In Thailand they call the sexual act “boom-boom” for a good reason. Generally speaking Western men know nothing about love-making and resort to mechanical sex, thus boom, boom, boom, boom until they cum and it’s all over. Because that’s the way it normally is, the Thai woman acts accordingly; she’s conditioned to expect mechanical sex. “You want boom-boom?”
In Thailand they call the sexual act “boom-boom” for a good reason. Generally speaking Western men know nothing about love-making and resort to mechanical sex, thus boom, boom, boom, boom until they cum and it’s all over. Because that’s the way it normally is, the Thai woman acts accordingly; she’s conditioned to expect mechanical sex. “You want boom-boom?”
Maybe the man spends a week in the candy store, tasting of the abundant variety. But before long these young hookers become boring and expensive. Lying back and receiving may feel good at first, but within days it begins to feel mechanical even to him--he realizes that all this fucking isn’t all that fucking fun. The reality of the male ego is that most men don’t want to continue doing what they are not good at.
If I were the Sex Commissioner I would require sex counseling/education before that man gets on the plane, but with his cocky American attitude towards sex, he proceeds like he's ready, able and equipped to conquer hookerdom. Yeah right.
What this cocky man doesn’t know is that to the Thai gal, it’s just a job. The end game may be to be rescued by one of these men, but the hour-to-hour, day-to-day game is all about basic survival. The competition is intense, so let’s move this mechanical fat cow along, so I can pay my rent. The man comes in--boom boom . . . Next. Boom boom . . . Next. The more men, the more money. Men=money.
And all along, man after man, these girls are attentive and do their work well, like any massage therapist would. For the most part I would say the average sex worker is but a pretty mirror, only rising to the level of her client, or to the level of their experience. Nobody taught her how to be a good sex partner, like a geisha would be taught.
This was shown to me with Tay, a well-seasoned $500-an-hour Thai sex worker when in Hong Kong and Singapore, who had returned to Pattaya for a break. (a working break--all night for $120, which is expensive in Thailand) Ironically, she didn’t know how to make love. She laid on her back, spread her legs and told me to put on the condom. What? She saw me as “every man.” Next.
What I saw was a goddess waiting to be cherished and served--the condom would come later. A few hours of her lying on her back receiving, being made love to, took her by surprise. Before midnight and five orgasms later she was all confused; didn’t know what to think. And I was still hard and hadn’t ejaculated. Who are you? I imagine I was one man out of a thousand who actually took the time to make love to her. It’s quite possible this was her first time.
Back to our man. After a week of what is starting to be unsatisfying sex with young bar girls he’s getting bored. He’s tired of being hustled, so he’ll sit at the outdoor bar, and not complain when the older bar woman sits next to him. She speaks good English. He doesn’t feel like he’s being hustled (only because she’s mastered it by now) and she’s fun; they laugh and he can open up. She‘s been there, done that, and has fun stories to tell, agrees with him about the younger girls, and she’s more age appropriate. It’s not so “sinful” lusting for her, and he wonders if she can teach him a thing or two. This older, now not so pretty woman, becomes more appealing; she is less threatening to this ego.
The fact remains, her end game is still the same; to marry the rich farang. By age forty the older bar woman is more than ready and has the well-polished tools to subtly manipulate. This is exactly why many of these over fifty ex-pat men have older, and usually not so attractive, Thai wives.
The irony: Because Western men are so screwed up sexually, they don't have a clue how they are being used sexually, one way or the other. They think their sexual interaction with a Thai woman, even if she is older and no longer pretty, is a big deal. To her it’s only the means to an end. Always the means to the end.
The reality . . .
The majority of Thai women who interact with Western men don’t even care about the sex! They mirror what the man wants in bed, hustle for more time with him, which means more money and maybe, if she's lucky, he’ll be her ticket out of whatever hole she's in. If she’s a good mirror, she will reflect back to the man what he thinks love is supposed to be; and hopefully for her, he’ll think he’s in love. Big mistake. But if he makes that foolish mistake then suddenly, much faster than it would ever happen in America, they’re a couple. He’s buying her things. She’s making him prove to her that he can take care of her. She’s getting expensive . . . but he’s in love. He pays her rent, buys her a new scooter. Because he’s blinded by her attention to him, he’s not paying attention. American women had never “idolized” him in this way. He thinks it's real. Did I say before that men are fools?
So, he’s in love and agrees to marry her next week, next month, or after he comes back from the U.S. after settling his affairs there. Once she has her farang man, the Thai ex-bar girl/woman bride may soon revert back to who she was, a commoner who squats with her family and women friends and gossips all day, watching TV soap operas or lost on her smart phone with games, eating food he would never eat, shoveling it in like an old fish woman. Or she’ll lament about the good old days when she had “many men want me” and lots of fun and “You no good lover.” (he never was). Or she becomes a housewife, with her new car and new home and new furniture, what she thought she always wanted, now trying to play the role of an American wife. It doesn’t work, “He no fun,” she’ll say about her husband, doesn’t matter if he bought her all those expensive things. No fun is no fun. Or maybe she’ll feel as though she has been released from her life of sex and doesn’t want to do it anymore, since it was just a job. All of a sudden the American man has re-manifested what he ran away from, but it’s even worse; their cultural differences are overwhelming. Once the Thai woman has what she thought she wanted, then what? People are who they are, and they don’t become someone else just because they’re married; they don’t drop customs and genetic profiles.
The western man will wonder what in the hell happened. With any of these scenarios he will feel impotent, and before long he can’t stand being around all that Thai woman chatter gossip talk he doesn't understand, his fake wife, so he’ll head to the closest bar and hang out all day, drinking with his farang buddies who are in the same miserable boat. It’s an old story in Thailand.
I even know a man who married a higher class Thai woman, bought her a huge house in a gated community where they sit around all day and night with nothing to do; another form of hell.
Literally thousands of American men, and an equal number of European and Australian men, have fallen into this trap. Living here, you hear the same story over and over again. “Don’t ever marry a Thai woman.”
So what’s the answer to all this: Simple. Learn to cherish all women as beautiful goddesses. Study how to make love to a woman. If one happens to share your bed, give her the full treatment. Love her like she’s never been loved before. Use whatever tools necessary, but give her All of You. Make "many orgasms" your goal; see if you can get her to scream with pleasure. Then in her mind she will think, No man has ever treated me this way. There is no way I’m going to let go of this one. And she’ll give it back. Soon you will know the value of your love making and if she doesn’t return in kind, then she’s the fool. You will then have the confidence to move on to the woman who will honor you for the amazing sexually active lover you have turned yourself into.
I have concluded that I really don’t want a Thai wife. A variety of girlfriend will do.
